what should we do with the children?
More from Jake Colsen. This on children:

Jason started to get fussy in Diane’s lap and I could see people roll their eyes and noticed Diane had hardly eaten. John noticed too. He got up and asked if he could take Jason for a moment and returned to his chair with Jason cradled in his arms.
“Do you all not have children, or was I supposed to get a sitter?” Diane asked.
Laurie jumped in. “No, he’s fine. We have lots of kids around here, but we thought it would give us more freedom to talk if they weren’t distracting us.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Please, don’t be concerned about it. We’re glad you’re here and glad Jason is too,” Marsha broke in.

Jason had settled into John’s arms and was mesmerized by the spoon John was using to entertain him. As I was trying to think of a segue into a more substantive discussion, John spoke, “I’m not sure it’s best to look at children as distractions. Jesus didn’t. They were drawn to him and he enjoyed it. When others tried to chase them away, he told them not to. If we’re not ready to receive the littlest ones in their weaknesses, we’re probably not ready to receive each other in ours.”

“So what should we do with children?” Ben asked. “That’s been a big issue around here.”
“Did your family get together last Easter?”

“Yes. We had a huge bash here with our relatives, probably 50 or more.”
“When you planned for that, did anyone ask what you should do with the kids?”
“No,” Ben chuckled. “They’re just part of the family.”
“Why is it any different in Father’s family?”
Ben hesitated so Marsha jumped in, “Because we’re trying to have a meeting and the children get bored. I think we should provide something for them, as well.” “Then maybe you shouldn’t try so hard to have a meeting.” John said still playing with Jason.
“Be a family and let them be a part just as you do at your family get-togethers. Include them where you can and let them be kids together at times, too, when you’re involved in things they may find less interesting.”
“But there’s too many just to turn them loose. It’s hard to get people to go out with them when no one wants to miss the meeting.”
“Who said anything about turning them loose? Love them. Include them as significant parts of the family however you can. Let me ask you a question. Do you usually eat together?”
“We often do. We think it is part of sharing the Lord’s Table.”
“Do you have a kid’s table when you do?”
I sensed this wasn’t going to be good, but the other folks had no idea how differently John thinks.
“Of course we do, doesn’t everyone?”
“Well, actually no. Eating together is one of the simplest things a family does together. If you’re already dividing up by then, you’re missing something extraordinary. Mix it up, and don’t have families sitting together. Sit down with a child that is not your own and get to know what makes them tick. What do they enjoy? How is school going? Or grab some blocks and hit the floor with a two year old.
“And if you have them with you for singing or sharing, don’t have your own child on your lap where you’ll struggle with them to make it look like they’re participating. Get someone else’s child on your lap and make it playful for them. Do you realize the most significant factor in helping a child thrive in the culture is for them to have caring relationships with adults who are not their relatives? The best gift you can give each other’s kids is the same gift you can give each other—the gift of friendship. And if the kids go out to enjoy some time together, don’t send people out to do childcare. Think of it as an opportunity for a couple of you to build relationships with a significant part of your group—whether they’re toddlers or teenagers.”

“But since they’re not in a Sunday school class, how will they get instruction?” Marsha asked. Before he could answer Laurie leaned across me and opened her arms offering to take Jason.
“Haven’t you had that one long enough?” she asked pleading.
With a kiss on Jason’s forehead and a smile he gave him up to Laurie and then picked up his fork. “How old are your children, Marsha?”
“Ten, seven and three.”
“If you have something you want to share with them, do it. But don’t think that is the best way they learn.” At that he grabbed a fork and held it up. “Do you remember teaching your children to use a fork?”
“Not exactly….”
“But they all use one, I assume. Did you send them to fork school, or have a Powerpoint presentation on the make-up and use of a fork?” People laughed. “It sounds silly, doesn’t it? But as long as we think of this life in Christ as knowledge to acquire instead of living in him, we’ll do all kinds of foolish things. Your children know how to use a fork, but that’s because they learned it in life. As they got old enough you probably put the fork in their hands, but held on so they wouldn’t poke their eye out. You helped them guide it to their mouth and when you grew confident they wouldn’t hurt themselves, you let them do it on their own. Embracing the life of Jesus is a lot more like learning to use that fork than it is sitting in meetings. Children will learn the truth as you help them learn to live it.”

I was surprised when Roary spoke up since he’s one of the quietest men in our group. “I love what you’re saying about the kids. I’ve never thought of them that way. But you’re talking about something bigger than that, aren’t you?”
“You’re right, Roary. What I’m saying will also affect how you deal with each other. If you really want to learn how to share Jesus’ life together, it would be easier to think of that less as a meeting you attend and more as a family you love.”

posted by alexander @ 7:22 AM    4 comments

4 Comments:

amen! this reminds me of the piece in wolfgang simson's "houses." it is so about changing the way we (i) think, about living in Jesus rather than aquiring knowledge. i needed to be reminded of this, particularly this week. it's very encouraging. blessings.

By  carmen, at 1:31 PM  

Thanks Carmen for the feedback.

By  alexander, at 2:46 PM  

Really great post. Thanks. This is practical stuff.

By  David, at 9:53 PM  

thanks so much!! I will bookmark this one to share with our pastor / home church leaders, etc. Its what I want but can't explain how or why really... and I realize I want it with the perfect kids. (which aren't mine, by the way! lol)

By  ReneeM, at 4:50 AM  

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